Weekend Getaway
by teshara
Summary: Set long after the Epilogue in Book 7. Hermione comes up with a clever idea to fund her research. Percy helps.


**Title:** Weekend Getaway  
**Author/Artist:** teShara  
**Recipient's LJ name:** kinky_kneazle  
**Pairing(s):** Hermione/Percy  
**Rating:** R  
**Summary:** Percy helps Hermione get over her writer's block.  
**Word Count:** 3900  
**Warnings/Content:** Frottage, masturbation

===

Percy Weasley sat on the back porch of his sister-in-law's small cottage. He sighed deeply as he took in the view of the crystal-blue lake and the lush tree line just past it.

He watched as a person jumped out of a bush and seemed to pounce upon something. There was a cheerful cry and you could see the thick foliage shake as another person made their way to the first.

"Think they've found anything yet?"

Percy looked up at the sound of the woman's voice and smiled at the curly-haired witch standing near him. "Oh, I sincerely doubt it, Hermione. I'm convinced that they just like to come out here to roll around in the bushes. Grumblespurts aren't the cause of it. If they were everyone that came near that lake would feel amorous."

Hermione laughed. "I sincerely doubt Luna and Rolf need an excuse to roll around in the bushes. They certainly don't need to come all the way up here to do it."

"Good point." Percy chuckled as he picked a tall glass of lemonade off the small, wooden table nearby and took a drink. "Thank you, Hermione."

"For what?" Hermione asked in a shocked tone.

"For letting me come up here for awhile."

There was a pause before Hermione said: "It was no trouble at all. The place has been so empty with..."

Percy sighed and looked out over the lake. "I know what you mean."

"It wasn't her fault you know," Hermione ventured.

"I know." Percy watched as Luna and Rolf settled back down in the bushes to hunt for God-only-knew-what. "That's what I'm told is the polite answer."

Hermione didn't say anything. She knew Percy was still bitter about Audrey leaving him for another woman. She didn't have the courage to face him and their girls over it, so she had left them a note on the table.

_It wasn't what she did, it was how she did it._

Hermione had no idea how she would feel in the same situation. She had been in love with Ron since she was fourteen and had married him not long after the last wizarding war. They'd still be living a peaceful life if his hadn't been cut short by a bungled Ministry raid a few years ago.

She had tried to picture Ron running off with Harry so she could see things from Percy's point of view, but the case of the giggles she had given herself made her sincerely glad she had done such a thing in private.

"So, how are the girls?" Hermione hazarded.

Percy let out a small chuckle. "Upset. Confused. More caught up in their own comings and goings to think about the home they only live at three months out of the year."

Hermione stepped closer to Percy and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Well, at least they're acting like normal teenagers."

"It's a comfort."

Hermione took a deep breath and let it out as the bushes across the lake shook once again and another cry went up. "Are you going to do this all afternoon?"

"I just might," Percy said. "I go back to work on Monday and this is the most peace I've had in a very long time."

"Well, I'll be inside if you need me." Hermione smiled down at him as he patted the hand on his shoulder.

Hermione silently went away as he continued to watch the Scamanders flail around in the bushes.

He finished his lemonade and closed his eyes, listening to the faint cries from across the water and the sound of the nearby shoreline, the waves gently lapping at the sand.

He opened his eyes, startled that he had dozed off. The sun was in a different position and the safari seemed to have lost much of it's steam.

Percy blinked hard and shifted his stiff body. That was the last time he'd fall asleep in that chair.

He groaned slightly as he got to his feet and he picked up his empty glass before walking back into the small cottage.

The retreating sun was casting a golden glow about the wood-paneled rooms and Percy sighed as he made his way to the kitchen to put his glass in the sink.

The smell of cooking chicken was filling the small kitchen and Percy wondered how long it was until dinner. The basket of oranges on the small wooden table seemed to be beckoning to him.

He made his way through the small house to hunt down Hermione in her office.

"Hey, Hermione when is--" Percy's voice trailed off as he realized she was sitting in front of a computer that set up on her heavy wooden desk. She had a pair of ear plugs fit snugly in her ears and her head was rocking back in forth. She had a document open but she didn't seem to be typing anything.

"Hermione?" Percy lightly touched her shoulder and she jumped and swung around with wide eyes as she clicked a button and whatever she was reading left the screen.

She pulled the plugs from her ears and let out a nervous laugh. "You gave me a start!"

"I'm sorry." Percy chuckled. "I wanted to know if dinner was going to be done soon or can I raid your fruit bowl?"

"Of course." Hermione let out a breath and seemed to relax.

"What are you doing?" Percy asked, a twinkle in his eye. "You're as good at hiding things as Ron was."

Hermione snorted. "I'd like to think I'm a bit better than he was."

"Well, not today, you're not." Percy said as he crossed his arms.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hermione grumbled.

Percy raised a ginger eyebrow at her.

"Oh, all right!" Hermione said, exasperatedly. "But you can't make fun of me!"

"Well, that all depends on what 'it' is," Percy looked at her suspiciously.

"The Ministry cut off the funding for the Yakov Experiment." Hermione shook her head. "I've been making a bit of money on the side to fund it privately."

"What have you been doing?" Percy frowned. "It's not illegal, is it?"

"Would I have asked you not to laugh if it was?" Hermione snorted and restored the text to her computer screen.

Percy leaned over to read it and his eyebrows went up. "You've been writing smutty stories?!"

"They're not smutty stories!" Hermione protested. "This just happens to be a smutty part."

Percy chuckled.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!"

"I said no such thing!" Percy snickered, a fist balled up to his mouth as if he were trying to disguise it as a cough.

"Screw you, Percy. You wouldn't know what it's like for your funding to get cut off," Hermione snapped.

"Of course I do," Percy said with a roll of his eyes. "I never thought of funding it myself, though. You've always been more driven than the rest of us."

Hermione gave him a crooked smile. "Well, it's useless if I'm still stuck on a scene, isn't it?"

"Well, it's not like it's Experimental Potions, is it?" Percy chuckled.

"It's harder," Hermione said icily.

"What? A bit of smut?" Percy was incredulous.

"It's not just a bit of smut!" Hermione said defensively. "It's a whole story! I have to take two people that know nothing about each other, throw them together by fate, take them on some merry adventure, fight the bad guys, win the... whatever it is they're looking for, and in the middle of all that they have to slowly fall in love. Not a quick bang on a stakeout like Hodgkins and Jericho last week!"

"Mr. Hodgkins and Miss Jericho were reprimanded for their little indiscretion." Percy frowned. "I oversaw the proceedings myself."

"Of course you did," Hermione muttered.

"Well, what's the problem?" Percy frowned. "You've been adventuring enough and you fell in love with Ron in the middle of it. You should know how it works."

Hermione snorted. "I know how it worked for us, but we didn't really get together until it was all over, did we? Besides, I have the adventure part down."

"Then what's the--" Percy suddenly stopped as realization dawned on him. "Oh."

"Yea." Hermione blushed.

"Well you were married long enough, that shouldn't be a problem." Percy looked amused.

"Well we never did it in a small cramped cave with not as much as a ledge to hold onto and enemies outside," Hermione said testily.

"Alright, I'll give you that much," Percy chuckled as he pulled up a spare chair. "It's the mechanics of it that's giving you problems?"

"Pretty much," Hermione admitted. "I'm not sure what I have them doing would work."

"Give us a look then." Percy jutted his chin at the computer screen.

Hermione looked as if she were going to protest for a moment, but then she shrugged and brought her story back up on the screen.

Percy read for a moment, then frowned.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, her cheeks turning red.

"How old is Zack supposed to be?" Percy asked, making a strange face.

"About thirty-seven, I'd think," Hermione said. "Why?"

"No man over the age of twenty-three can do that." Percy pointed at a line. "Twenty-five tops. He'd have a cramp in the back of his leg in a matter of minutes and it'd be bad luck for her."

Hermione snickered. "Well, what if he propped his foot up on the other wall for support?"

"Too slippery with the water seeping down the wall." Percy frowned. "They'd topple over and do themselves a mischief, and they aren't that young anymore. They'd get found and shot in a matter of moments if they didn't do themselves in first."

Hermione found herself laughing in spite of herself. "Well, what should they do?"

"Find a better place or get more creative." He said as he scowled at the computer screen.

"More creative?" Hermione blustered. "What's more creative than this?"

"Not doing it at all." Percy said simply.

Hermione snorted. "Great scene there. They sit in a cold, wet crevasse and go home with the sniffles. You're right. Much better."

Percy gave her a pitying look. "If my brother were alive today I have a feeling I'd be slapping him on the back of the head about now."

"Oh stop it," Hermione said, an annoyed expression crossing her features. "Ron was a perfect gentleman."

"Maybe that's what his problem was." Percy made a rude noise.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked hotly.

"Nothing." Percy rolled his eyes and pointed at the screen. "Now look at this! No one can do that!"

Hermione squinted at the screen for a moment before she threw Percy a look. "Of course you can!"

"Who?" Percy started laughing. "Who can do that?"

"I can do that!" Hermione protested.

"Maybe when you were young you could." Percy tried to contain his giggles, but failed.

"Balderdash!" Hermione snapped. "Get up!"

"You know you really shouldn't hurt yourself just to prove a--" Percy began, but Hermione seized him by the front of his robes and pulled him to his feet.

Percy sighed and shook his head. "This is insane."

Hermione stalked to the other side of her office and wrenched open a solid wooden door. She waved her wand and the closet appeared to turn into a small stone crevasse. The small light fixture was now hidden and cast off a pale light that made it look as if there was moonlight filtering in from somewhere. "Get in."

"I really don't think this is a--"

"_Get. In."_

"Fine." Percy sniffed as he strode into the transfigured closet. "Now what?"

"Well, my characters are wearing Muggle clothing." Hermione scrunched up her face before waving her wand and changing her and Percy's robes into dark jeans and hooded sweatshirts.

"All right, then." Percy crossed his arms. "What now?"

Hermione set her wand down on a nearby end table and joined Percy in the closet. There wasn't a lot of room once they closed the door.

"All right." Hermione said as if she were trying to prepare herself for something. "Put your right arm around my waist." She paused a minute while he did. "Now bend your knees and dip your other shoulder down."

"This is not very comfortable at all." Percy said seriously.

"You're supposed to be feeling as if you're being swept away by a wave of passion," Hermione muttered. "Just go with it."

"Right." Percy followed her instructions and was surprised to feel her leg being raised so he was able to cradle it with his left arm. "All right, what do I do now?"

"Hold me tight and lean back as you slowly heft my leg up to your shoulder." Hermione said with a sigh.

"What? Like a sack of beans?" Percy laughed.

"Well, I'm sure I'll word it differently," Hermione said hotly.

"All right," Percy said warily. "But if you hurt yourself it's your own doing."

"I'll be fine." Hermione said in an annoyed tone.

Percy went as gingerly as he could, desperately trying to remember the few healing spells he had learned years ago; but to his surprise her leg lifted easily and she was soon doing standing splits over the length of his body.

"Told you so," Hermione said smugly.

"And I told _you_ so," Percy snorted. "This may look cute, but there's no way I'd be able to get it in like this. You're at a very odd angle. It might work if you were about eight inches taller."

Hermione grumbled and tried to shift herself around into a more practical position and Percy found himself swallowing hard. It had been quite awhile since he had been this close to a woman, even if she was his sister-in-law.

But was she anymore now that Ron was gone?

"What if you dip your leg?" Hermione asked.

"Leg cramps," Percy said simply. "How are you doing this, anyway?"

"Years of yoga," Hermione said off-handedly as she tried to rotate her hips in a vain attempt to get them to line up correctly. "This really isn't going to work, is it?"

"You know, it doesn't have to look like a circus trick to be effective," Percy chuckled as he slowly helped Hermione get her leg down. "Plus, she'd have to get her pants and boots completely off."

"OK, how would you do it?" Hermione asked.

"Turn around."

"First, if they're under threat of danger, he's going to try to protect her." Percy gently placed his hands on her hips and moved her forward. "So she'd be hugging the wall and he'd be pressed up behind her like this."

Percy pressed himself up against her, bending both his arms and holding them up so the elbows were touching the wall in front of Hermione. "See how it shields her head?"

"But even if she backs into him they aren't lined up properly," Hermione said as she pressed back into him.

He felt himself twitch in response, but she didn't respond to it. "Unless they're going for anal, but I don't think they'd do that their first time."

Percy felt himself spring to attention, and his cheeks burned in embarrassment, but Hermione still didn't react by moving away.

"Maybe not, but it's a good opportunity for them to get warmed up more than they are." Percy pointed out. "I mean, he can reach everything from here."

Hermione started to laugh and Percy found himself enjoying the feeling of her against his erection. _Gads, she's acting like it's not even there!_

"Reach everything?" Hermione laughed. "Like you're operating some sort of machine?"

"They don't call it being turned on for nothing," Percy grunted as he tried to subtly shift himself.

"So," Hermione said hesitantly. "How would he go about doing that?"

_'You told me to take care of her if anything happened to you and she needs this, mate.'_ Percy silently hoped Ron could hear him, wherever he was. _'And I think you'd agree I deserve it after all the nonsense I've been through.'_

"Well, I think if they'd built up some sort of attraction she wouldn't be startled by any advances, right?" Percy asked, glad she couldn't see his half-smirk in the darkness.

"No." Hermione agreed. "She would be surprised by a physical response from him, but not taken aback by the idea."

"Well, that's good," Percy said, trying not to laugh. "It would be bad if she slapped him and they were discovered and shot."

Hermione began to giggle and Percy decided he quite liked the feeling of her jiggling bottom against his erection. He ran his hands down to her waist.

"I think he'd put his hands here to begin with," Percy said pulling her closer to him. She let out an intake of breath and he felt himself throb against her. "See how she liked the idea."

"Well, she's the 'good girl' type, so she'd probably do something like this," Hermione giggled as she moved herself against him and he groaned. "If she was a wanton thing she'd probably do this."

She put both her hands on the rough stone wall in front of her and she pushed back, making Percy lean back onto the wall behind him. He swore as she pushed herself back and ground into him, flexing her bottom so it seemed to grasp at his erection.

"I think she should be a wanton little thing," Percy said firmly.

"Then I'd have to rewrite the whole thing." Hermione laughed.

"Do it." Percy growled as one of his hands went to a breast while the other slunk down to her inner thigh as he gently nipped her shoulder.

"I don't think so," Hermione said primly as she gently put her hands on top of Percy's and gently placed one on her hip and the other under one arm, the fingers resting on the swell of her breast. "I think anything that passionate would make a lot of noise and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

Percy swallowed and took a deep breath. "Of course. Getting shot might put a damper on things, wouldn't it?"

"I'd think so."

He bent down and began kissing her neck. "So this would be more practical."

"Absolutely." Hermione agreed.

As he nibbled around to the back of her neck he gently tilted her head forward and he felt her shiver as his teeth began grazing the small sensitive place at the back of her skull. She squirmed against him and let out little gasps as he became more passionate.

"Shh..." Percy warned. "We don't want to be found."

Percy felt Hermione reach back and run her hand down his thigh, pulling him to her and he raised both of his hands to slip them over her breasts.

He kissed along the back of her head until he encountered an ear. He nuzzled it a moment before running his tongue along the edge. He felt her legs shake and she started to moan, now even louder as one of his hands had roamed down and was gently stroking the mound between her legs.

"Oh, Gods Percy, I don't know if--"

"Shh," he said gently. "Trust me."

He felt her hesitate for a moment before relaxing against him. He moved his hand back to her breast and continued kissing the back of her necks and along the edges of her ears.

She began to slowly push against him, moving her hips in little circles and grinding against him.

He groaned, a little too loudly, perhaps, if they had been hiding from real villains and he felt her reach back with both of her arms to grasp at his hips.

He slid one hand up her shirt and found her nipple, his fingers drawing small circles around it before squeezing gently.

She groaned and this time didn't hesitate when he started her between her legs again.

"Open your legs a little." Percy gently guided her into a much easier position to reach and he pushed his fingers against her a little harder.

"Oh. Fuck. Percy!"

Percy nearly laughed at her and how much effort it seemed to take her to talk, but he managed to keep his voice composed.

"I'm going to unbuckle your pants and then I'm going to make you come." Percy whispered to her gently.

She nodded and her let her breast go for a moment so he could unbuckle her belt without fumbling. He dipped his fingers below her waistband and he heard her cry out when he found the spot he was looking for.

He supported her as he played with the small nub he had found, nearly chuckling as he felt her knees buckle several times.

She finally cried out, nearly sobbing as Percy felt her throb beneath her fingertips.

Finally her trembling subsided and Percy began to chuckle as he gently took his hand out of her pants.

"What's so funny?" Hermione asked in a voice that was still slightly shaky.

"I told you they didn't have to do it." Percy smirked in the dark.

"Well, then she'd have to owe him one," Hermione said suggestively.

"No she wouldn't," Percy said as he slipped his arms around her waist. "But it would be nice."

"Very nice." Hermione agreed.

"They'd probably be better off finding a bed, though," Percy said firmly.

"I'm sure that could be arranged," Hermione reassured him.

"Soon?" Percy said hopefully as he poked her in the seat with his erection.

"As soon as they get out of this bloody chasm!" Hermione laughed.

"Oh good." Percy said, then he paused for a moment. "You know, if you need me for anymore research--"

"Get in the bedroom, Percy." Hermione said seductively. "I'll give you all the research you can handle."

"I look forward to working with you, Mistress Granger," Percy said with a grin as he opened the door for her.

"I'm sure your skills will be more than satisfactory in this endeavor." Hermione giggled.

"I sincerely hope so!" Percy laughed.

"Well I guess we'll have to find out."

As Hermione took him by the hand and led him out of the closet he found himself grinning cheekily. Maybe Luna and Rolf were right. Maybe there _were_ Grumblespurts about.


End file.
